I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Everything about him screamed your future.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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