i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
