i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
