Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
