Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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