put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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