STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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