HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
