his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
this hospital has no fireball
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
