I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
