RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
