So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
