my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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