They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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