Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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