Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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