it hurts more in the daytime
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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