Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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