goodnight i made you a song goodbye
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
