i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
