When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Come see our sink grown plant.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
