last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
