My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
