i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
