If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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