So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
