I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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