i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
