So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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