Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
