I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
