i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
NoShamevember. You game?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
