oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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