Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am spending my child support on dildos
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
