What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
