Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
