i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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