My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
