I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
