My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
