this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
