When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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