i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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