So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
