Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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