Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
