just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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