i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
