I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
