We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I cannot find my penis.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
