Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
