I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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