Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
