spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize