her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
