he shaved USA in his pubs
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
