Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
