just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
