let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
