i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
