you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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