Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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