is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
