Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
