I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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