i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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