This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
