The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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