I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
