he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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