All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
