Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
