I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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