When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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