"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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